Got a toothbrush?
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
