coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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