I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
