the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
