so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
