Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
