my mouth tastes like poor choices
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
