I hate all girls vehemently.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
