I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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