He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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