Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
