The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
