What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
So gin and wine won't be happening again
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
