I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
