Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
