I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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