i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
