Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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