I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
ttyl tear gas
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize