Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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