That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
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I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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