I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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