Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
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