I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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