addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Randomize
