i think my mom watched the whole time
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
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don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
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I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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