the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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