Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
