I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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