Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Randomize
