i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Someone came in the potted fern
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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