I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
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Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
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That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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