...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
