Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize