I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
