i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
The best revenge is premature balding
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
