I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
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My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
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How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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