this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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