32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
