Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
