Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
