Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
