I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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