There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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