Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
