Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
