how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
