After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize
