it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
