Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
