I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
