Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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