My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Need sex. Gaining weight.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
