Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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