I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
