I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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