Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
