I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
