We're like a lot better than the average bears
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
