His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
No I am not eating basil off your cock
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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