I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Randomize
