Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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