I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
