well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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