oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
