party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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