I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
