i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
