life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
