I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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