This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
