Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
