youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
operation have a gay friend backfired
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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