If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
