I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
