you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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