just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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