If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
