If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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