Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
