I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
