Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
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