Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
