tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
