all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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