just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
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I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
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Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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