Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
